DILLON ON FILM

Oscars Winners 2023

Everything Everywhere All At Once triumphs. The Dillon Empire despairs.

Everything Everywhere All At Once. Credit: A24

Following my mostly inaccurate Oscar predictions (here, if you wish to see just why I should be stoned as a false prophet), it’s time to offer my two pennies worth on the winners. I should preface this with my usual Dillon Empire caveats.

1) No, I didn’t stay up to watch it. Never have, and never will. I have better things to do with my life than suffer through a nauseating spectacle of self-congratulatory celebrity back-slapping, especially as it’s normally served with a side order of humourless, virtue-signalling speechifying. Besides, here in the UK, the live broadcast is at stupid o’clock in the morning.

2) No, I won’t be commenting on dresses, celebrity gossip, or slapping (if there was any this year). I couldn’t give an airborne fornication about any of that stuff.

3) No, I don’t care about whose “turn” it is to win. That’s how we end up with daft situations like Al Pacino winning Best Actor for Scent of a Woman; an Oscar everyone knew was really for The Godfather Part II, Dog Day Afternoon, and so forth.

4) No, I don’t care about representation for representation’s sake (diversity issues need to be tackled in pre-production, not with…